Nobody believes me when I tell them this, but I invented the game “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.” Only when I invented it, I called it “Celebrity VD.” Players would follow the path of a theoretical strain of venereal disease passed from one celebrity to another based on movies or television shows they had been in together.

Usually this would involve thinking of two celebrities, figuring out the quickest way to link them to Jack Nicholson or Michael Caine, and then linking to the other celebrity the same way. Years ago I used to play this inane game in my head for hours while I had a gig doing landscaping work.

I told some people about it, and a few years later the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon meme is everywhere. Coincidence? Could be, it isn’t that great of an idea… but it is a good way to pass time while landscaping if you are somewhat of a movie buff.

It’s a lot easier to market it to the public under the much more wholesome name with Kevin Bacon than Celebrity VD, I suppose.

Yeah, I didn’t think you’d buy it either- but it is true, I tell you.

UPDATE: One other thing I should have noted is that one advantage of Celebrity VD over Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is that the VD angle makes it so you can play with different assumptions to make it more challenging. The beginners game would be “Hollywood orgy free-for-all” rules, where anyone can give vd to anyone else… but for more advanced play you can have it transmit only through the celebrity’s actual or rumored sexual orientation.

Anyhow, I have a new game I invented to share with you all. I’m calling it “translatophone.” It is based on the game “telephone,” but this is a version you can play solitaire.

To play, you simply take any phrase, drop it into Google Translate or another internet translator, translate it to another language, and translate it back. Keep going to a variety of languages and observe the amusing results. Here is an example:

It was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.

To Japanese:

クリスマスとは、すべての前の夜は家ではない生き物でも、マウスではなかった感動した

Back to English:

And Christmas, all the previous night in the house not a creature, was not impressed with the mouse.

To Hindi:

और क्रिसमस, घर में सभी पिछले रात नहीं एक प्राणी है, माउस से प्रभावित नहीं था.

Back to English:

And Christmas, all in the house not a creature is the last night, was not affected by the mouse.

to Ukrainian:

І Різдво, все в домі не витвір це останній вночі, не постраждали від мишей.

Back to English:

And Christmas, everything in the house not a creature of this last night, is not affected by the mice.

to Filipino:

At Christmas, lahat ng bagay sa bahay ng isang hindi nilikha ng huling gabi na ito, ay hindi apektado ng mice.

Back to English:

At Christmas, everything in the house not a creature of last night, and it has not affected the mice.

to Arabic:

في عيد الميلاد ، كل شيء في المنزل وليس مخلوقا من الليلة الماضية ، وأنها لم تؤثر على الفئران.

Back to English:

Christmas, everything in the house, not creature of the night, and that it did not affect mice.

to Greek:

Χριστούγεννα, τα πάντα στο σπίτι, δεν πλάσμα της νύχτας, και ότι δεν επηρεάζουν τα ποντίκια.

Back to English:

Christmas, everything at home, no creature of the night, and that does not affect mice.